Episode 39: Fake Friends, The Girlies Are Fighting
Hey Loves,
Ever fall out with a friend over something insignificant and wonder how you can repair the relationship or if it was even worth repairing? Some people are only in your life temporarily while others are in your life for a lifetime. Your gut will tell you when you meet a for lifer. Anyone who is worth having in your life will make a lifelong imprint on your heart and you will never second guess their love and loyalty because they will never give you a reason to. Even if your circle is small, that’s ok because each person in your circle serves a purpose and so do you.
With Love,
My Circle Is Small But Mighty
The Letter
Hey Love,
I would love to have your insight on a platonic relationship that I have been trying to build for the last few months. I started a new job at a hair salon and for a while was closed off to getting to know people and building friendships until recently. Here’s a little back story.
I recently moved to another stated due to a sickly family member. During the day, I would work at my hair salon and at night, I would take care of my grandmother. This left little to no time for me to have a social life so I preferred not to get close to people because I did not have the time to nurture my friendships like I would like. However, my cousin just moved to the state and is able to help with my grandmother full time now which has made my nightlife a lot more free. I decided to start opening myself up to friendships because honestly it’s pretty lonely working full time and staying home at night.
I’m single, young, and have no kids. I met this girl who is seemingly nice and was able to bring me out of my shell. We were really cool for some time, we hung out everyday or at least almost everyday after work. We went out to eat, texted all the time, until recently. I met another girl who I also became really cool with. These two girls don’t really hang out unless they’re both hanging out with me at the same time.
Me and my other friend went to dinner together and didn’t invite my first friend because she has an allergy to seafood. When she found out, she was pissed. She hasn’t spoken to either of us since. I explained to her that we didn’t invite her because we knew she was allergic and wouldn’t be able to eat any of the food there and yet, she was still pissed. Instead of understanding where I was coming from, She said she felt like we abandoned her and since we knew she was allergic, we should have picked somewhere else to eat. Now my other friend has never had an issue with me and my first friend hanging out without her and has never switched up on me. I feel like she’s only acting like this because she’s jealous.
Am I wrong for not inviting her to dinner even though she’s allergic? Although we really wanted seafood, should we just have went somewhere else to eat or should I have gone to dinner by myself so neither one of my friends would feel excluded? Is this friendship worth having if she couldn’t understand and respect my point of view and be willing to put this behind us?
Signed,
The Girlies Are Fighting
Tips + Tricks
How To Spot The “Friendship” Red Flags
They are overly protective and feel the need to tell you who you should and should not be friends with.
Your friendship is built on gossip and drama. You never have anything else to talk about.
They are jealous of you.
They do not celebrate your accomplishments.
They know you value their advice so they knowingly gives you bad advice to sabotage you.
They intentionally make insulting jokes.
They do not respect your boundaries
Conversations are one sided/always change the subject to themselves.
They constantly gaslight you.
They manipulate you.
They put a guilt-trip on you.
There’s a lot of conflict.
Friendships shouldn’t have a lot of conflict.
The effort is one-sided.
It takes effort to make both parties feel loved and appreciated.
They don’t show much interest in your life.
A true friend is genuinely interest in your life.
Codependency
One individual being the giver, while the other is the taker.
You feel taken advantage of or used.
They ignore you around certain people.
A true friend doesn’t do this.
There is no accountability for their actions
An individual who cannot admit fault cannot offer a healthy relationship.
You often feel judged.
Underhanded comments.
Backhanded compliments.
They cause you stress and anxiety.
To hear my advice to this Gentle Giant, be sure to check out the podcast episode linked below for your convenience or my YouTube channel for a video version of this episode. Also, don’t forget to leave your own advice for this Gentle Giant in the comments down below.
Listen to the full episode below.
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