Sometimes we have to look in the mirror and realize that we are allowing the bullshit to happen to us and the only way for us to change our circumstances is by making a change in our lives. No longer allow the excuse of knowing someone for extended periods of time be the reason you allow someone to stay in your life longer than they should. I have learned that everyone has a season in my life and every season has a beginning and an end date. Learn when people expire in your life.
With Love,
The Seasons Are Changing
This weekend, I was scrolling through my Gentle Giant emailand I got a really interesting letter about this very subject so let’s jump right into it and see if we can help this Gentle Giant out. This email is titled: Stuck Between A Rock + A Hard Place.
The Letter
Hi Love,
I started listening to your podcast by way of my wife who has been hooked since you’re monster in law episode, and that’s why I decided to reach out. My wife and I’ve been together about five years. We have one child together and she has one child from the previous relationship. We have had a rocky relationshup to say the least. We were together 2 years before getting married and things were hectic prior to marriage but we decided to go through with it anyway because we love each other.
Recently, I lost my job and had to relocate because of it. It has been tough but I have some savings that should be able to hold us over until I can get another job. However, ever since then, my wife has been impractical. Prior to losing my job, I told my wife she didn’t have to work because I made enough for us to pay the bills and travel when we wanted. She was fine with it and became a stay at home mom but once I lost my job, I told her we’d both have to work because any job I would get wouldn’t be able to cover both her ad my bills. She instantly got pissed and said she didn’t sign up for this. She also stopped having sex with me and is now telling me I have to sleep in another room.
I was speaking to my mom about how I felt because sometimes I feel like my mom is the only person who understands me. When my wife found out I went to my mom instead of her about my feelings, she told me she would have rather I cheat on her instead of going to my mom. My mom’s advice was to leave my wife and move back home with her but my wife made it very clear if I move back with my mom, I won’t have access to our child and she‘s going to go to court for full custody and say I abandoned them.
It’s tough because I want to be with my wife and keep our family together but my mom said she doesn’t feel welcomed and won’t be apart of my life like she should be if my wife is still around. I need your advice.
Signed,
Moms and wifey are like Blueface and Chrisean when they’re together.
Well thank you so much for sending over your email. Now usually I would offer some advice but I also got another email that coincides with this one so I’ll read that one too then we can get into it. This email is titled: I know this nigga did not.
The Letter
Hey Love,
First I want to say, I love your podcast. The topics are deep and advice is spot on. I wanted to write you prior to this but between my two kids and my chaotic lifestyle I really didn’t have time until now.
Your email from blank, you can call him Sean, is a bold face lie. I don’t fuck with his mom but that's ‘s because she’s on some I wish I was sleeoing with my son and he is my man my man my man type shit. So let’s go back to before we were married. I met Sean through his sister. We worked together. I had just got out of a bad marriage with the father of my first child and moved to another state to start over.I wasn’t looking for anything serious but Sean just caught my eye. He was laid back and chill, intense but in a good way and put me first and did I mention the sex was crazy. He didn’t have a problem that I had a kid and would go above and beyond for my child. He was about this money, or so I thought.
Anyway,, he had bitches when I met him but slowly he started cutting them off. By the time we made it official, it was just me and him, or so I thought. He was very good at hiding his true self. I got into it with my mom and ended up moving in with him and his family. At first it was cool until his mom started saying slick shit under her breath. She would wait until me and my baby were asleep to start slamming doors and walking, more like stomping around the house. Did I mention we slept in the living room? I was ride or die for this nigga. He would leave me at his house and go make money and that’s when his mom would start to pick at me.
You know when someone doesn’t want you around. They start complaining about every little thing. Why is this here, who left this open, why isn’t this dishes done? Just a whole bunch of shit. Mind you, his sisters would be sitting up in the house making a mess and expect me to clean it up. Eventually I got tired of this shit and packed up and left. I ended up back at my moms rental property and everything was good. I would tell this Nigga about what his mom would do and he would be like, that don’t sound like my mom. She never did nothing like that before. But a woman knows when their son is really feeling you so they start acting funny towards you to cause problems and run you off.
I tried to explain to this man too many times and he just played dumb. Anyway, we got married despite all of this and he eventually got this job that was more like a career that could set us up for life and we ended up moving to another state, for from his raggedy ass mama. Things were starting to look up until I found out all his bitches he told me he cut off were still around. What was even worse is his mama was updating one of his bitches about Sean and my new life but just wasn’t telling the bitch about me. She told this girl about how Sean moved to another state for a great job and was making money. She even gave the bitch Sean’s new number.
I’m the type to check everything, call log, text, dm’s even emails hence why I knew he emailed you. Right before he lost his job over some dumb shit he did, I found out he had been sexting this girl that was old enough to be his mama and telling her about his test results. Mind you, he never gave me a reason to go get tested because all of his bitches were back home not in our new state. Anyway, I took it upon myself to go get tested because his messages to the old hoe said, “I got my results and you got me fucked up.”
I waited a few days and got my results back and this nigga gave me an incurable STD. When I found out about the STD I was 5 months pregnant with our child. It was bad enough he was fucking on bitches raw but you sleeping with a nasty old bitch that gave you something and the fact that you gave it to me while I was pregnant is unforgivable. I told him he needed to leave but the nigga won’t go no where. Right after that, this nigga lost his job. I got a new place and moved out of our old house with my kids and soon after he lost his place. I started working and making pretty good money and he asked me if he could stay with me for a few while he tried to find a new job.
At first I was oppose to it until I saw how much childcare cost and said yes so he could keep the baby and spend time with the kids. But it’s been 6 months and this nigga aint making no moves to better himself. What’s even worse is I found out I’m 6 months pregant with our second chuld. My cycle is hella irregular and when I’m stressed I don’t get a cycle but I get nauseous and migraines all the time so I didn’t think anything of it. We ended up having sex 3 weeks into him moving in with me. I felt broken and alone because this is my second failed marriage so I fucked up and gave in. I told him I’m pregnant and he’s acting like he’s working double time trying to find a job but his ass aint trying to get his life together what so ever.
As for his mom, I overheard him tell his mom I was pregnant and she was so quick to say he needs to get a DNA test so I cussed them both out and kicked his out again. I’m sick of all the disrespect from both of them. I’m already past the abortion threshold not that I can get on in this state anyway and two days ago, I read a text from the old hoe and said she’s pregnant too. I don’t know what to do.
Signed,
Bumped up and Fed up
To hear my advice to this Gentle Giant, be sure to check out the podcast episode linked below for your convenience or my YouTube channelfor a video version of this episode. Also, don’t forget to leave your own advice for this Gentle Giant in the comments down below.
Tips + Tricks
Here are some tips if you’re going through a similar situation.
Leave. There is nothing more you can get our of that relationship. It is toxic and it’s not worth the fight anymore.
Setting boundaries for yourself. There shouldn’t be anymore overnight visits. No more sex. No more communicating if it isn’t about the children.
His family will never respect you because he doesn’t respect you.
When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.
You have to want better for yourself and your children.
Most of all, remember, you have to put you first because if you’re not good, your children won’t be good.
